In the Wake of a Tragedy...

What happened on Friday is about every parents worst nightmare realized. I'm not going to get on some soapbox or talk about gun control or anything. I do just want to open up about how this affected me. I'm not prone to too much emotional sway when it comes to dismal stuff on the news....but this got me. I heard about it and panicked. I heard more and it made me sick. I saw the pictures of the lives that were taken and I cried. It was like someone grabbed my guts, twisted them, and shoved them back into an empty cavern.

People want to blame someone...and I get that. I see people posting in the social media about gun control, mental health funding, equipping our schools with metal detectors. I don't think any of that could really prevent such a tragedy. This weekend I talked to my kids about what happened without being panicked. I told them simply, monsters exist. They are real. They are walking around out there only they don't look like we've been taught they do. They look just like you and me.

My son is a little young to grasp anything that happened. My daughter is also, but I tried to apply it to her world just so she understood the magnitude of something so horrendous. I don't want to scare my kids, but I do want to prepare them...at least a little. I told her if she ever heard something scary happening at her school or sounds out of the ordinary, she needs to look and be aware of three things:

1. A great hiding place. I told her if it's at all possible, get into a cupboard or a trashcan or someplace no one would suspect. I told her to hide until all the scary sounds were gone and she felt safe.

2. I told her to look for someone helping. Look for someone you know or is familiar who is helping people if a hiding place isn't possible.

3. Be aware of anyone littler than you looking for help or that seems lost or scared. Help them get somewhere safer.

She's a smart kid and I can tell my words hit home. I can't imagine ever losing my kids in a tragedy like the one on Friday. My heart breaks for those parents and families. There aren't always answers or resolutions for the horrible things that happen in this world. There is nothing we can say or do to bring those kids and teachers back or ease the grieving. This world we live in is equal parts horrifying and majestic.

Being a "Yes" Mom

I have been trying out a new parenting tactic lately. I call it Permissive Parenting, or being a Yes Mom. Did you ever notice as a kid that your mom always said no to almost everything you wanted? At least it seemed like it. Well, my recent theory is that we get told no all the time in life. It sucks. My kids will have plenty of time to hear no, so I'm learning to say yes to pretty much all their requests (within reason) and it's been not only fun, but hilarious!

"Can I have a cookie before dinner?" Yes. "Can we paint today?" Yes. "Can I stay up and watch the end of this movie?" Yes. "Can I wear flip flops to school?" Yes! I am allowing all of this. I'm letting them choose things for themselves, yet I am explaining possible consequences of their actions. For example, "You can stay up and watch the movie, but you have to get up early and you will be awfully tired if you don't get enough rest." Sure enough....within ten to fifteen minutes the kid is heading to bed.  Flip flops in November? Sure, but only if you wear socks. Now THAT is pretty fun to watch.

I've given out more treats, cleaned more messes, and had a more rough time in mornings than usual this week, sure, but I've also read more books at bedtime, wrestled and chased them more, played more board games, broken up less fights, and listened and laughed more than I normally get to. I'm loving this experiment so far and have no plans to discontinue it. Kids come up with great ideas and instead of thinking that perhaps your time will be too strained for their proposed activity, it's pretty easy to shuffle things around to accommodate it. I say try it, what do you have to lose?

Atheists

I honestly didn't think I would have to revisit this topic so soon after that blog I did, but recent events deemed it so. I know a great many people disagree with me on my views and I have expressed to anyone who voices so that it's fine! The world would be so completely boring and mundane if we all had the same ideas and interests. In my last blog, and in life in general...I am very careful in how I word myself when it comes to religion. I will often proclaim Atheism and tell those who ask that I do not "believe" in God, a god, or gods. I teach my children that beliefs can be dangerous. It's far better to have ideas and interests than to trap your will inside a belief and to deny the ideas that lie outside of it.

My mother has torn a rift in our relationship by pushing her religious teachings off on my daughter without my permission. It's something I consider to be the biggest breach of trust. The act of her enrolling my daughter in vacation bible school without my knowledge was a personal attack on me. My mother has tried out just about every religion out there until about twelve years ago when she married and became "Born-again Christian". My father, only AFTER hearing about the incident, began needling me to enroll my children in classes at the Synagogue. (He is Jewish). Can you start to see why Atheism makes sense to me?

Im super tired of my own family even equating morality with religion. I'm tired of being called a satanist. I've decided to go ahead and appease everyone all at the same time. I have purchased these books for the holidays for my kids so that they are armed to the teeth next time this crap comes up.

First, I purchased, What Do You Believe? introduces readers to the many religions of the world and its equally numerous philosophies, from global religions such as Christianity, Judaism, Islam, and Buddhism, to lesser-known faiths, and from ancient philosophers such as Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato, to modern thinkers such as Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, Kant, and Sartre.

Next, Older Than the Stars, stunning illustrations and lively verse tell the story of the cosmic connections that tie human beings to the beginning of the universe. Simple, informative prose provides additional facts.

Last up for everyone, Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief -"Parenting Beyond Belief" offered freethinking parents everywhere a compassionate introduction to raising caring, ethical children without religious guidance. Now, for the more than 40 million people in the United States who identify themselves as nonreligious, "Raising Freethinkers" offers solutions to the unique challenges secular parents face and provides specific answers to common questions, as well as over 100 activities for both parents and their children. This book covers every important topic nonreligious parents need to know to help their children with their own moral and intellectual development, including advice on religious-extended-family issues, death and life, secular celebrations, wondering and questioning, and more.

I think this will cover all my bases now everyone can ....well....use your imagination.

Scissorhands

Birthday week. I am especially nutso about them because I want my kids to feel like they are the specialest of all special things to me all the time, but most especially on their birthdays. When they are old, I want them to look back at their childhoods and think, "Wow! I only remember having the best birthdays and laughing all the time!" Real life isn't really like this, but it would be nice if I could create that illusion for them for a while.

I'm still recuperating from the energy spent throwing the boy's party and the week's celebrations and such. We had a costume party at the park. It was perfect! The weather was nice, food was great, friends and kids were plentiful and the games went over better than I could have predicted! He dressed like Edward Scissorhands and exploded with happy energy wherever he bounced. He's been talking about his party all week. I couldn't ask for more.


Tuesday was his actual birthday so I took his sister and he to the T-Rex Cafe. This place is all dinosaurs and aquariums and waterfalls. We had a blast there too! I gave him his "big" present while we were there, an Edward Scissorhands doll. He loves this movie and that character. People look at him (and I) a little funny when he carries the doll around. I know it looks unusual. I think he identifies with the character in the movie a lot though. He likes to talk about his predicament and how people misunderstand him. It's a lot like being a little kid. You don't always know the right way to act and everyone has different opinions on what you SHOULD be and do. It gets confusing and lonely. I'm glad he found something/someone he can associate with and be comforted by. He's growing up already!

Interference

Two things I generally avoid talking about in any kind of mixed company: religion and politics. I'm REALLY done with looking at anything political lately as it only serves to stir up my already steaming temper, so let's talk the other.

People are supposed to kind of keep those beliefs to themselves I suppose. They don't. Here in 'Merica yer gonna burn in hell if yew don fine Jesus. I'm okay with that. Remarkably okay. I would much rather surround myself with scientific minds and rebellious geniuses in the most fiery furnaces imaginable than be surrounded by gullible, backwoods Neanderthals in lofty, climate-controlled bliss if that's what you would like to believe.

I don't think all religious folks are ignorant. There are plenty of completely amazing, competent and intelligent people from all religious sects. I just don't subscribe to them. I don't pretend to be a better person than them or know more about the world and why it is the way it is. I never push my theories and ideas or even opinions on others about this topic. Quite the opposite, I am often forced to tip-toe my way through life carrying the ideas that I do.

It angers me that I worry about offending others so much when most Christians/Catholics/God-fearing folk have no qualms about throwing their message in my face. They often go even further and call me names, try to convert me, blatantly refuse to be my friend or agree to just disagree. I can take all this. I do it a little frustrated, but I take it. I have been an atheist since I was seven years old when I came to the realization on my own that there was no god. I have known since that time that my line of thinking was unpopular and I should keep it to myself.

What REALLY enrages me, is when people target my children with their religious nonsense. I don't disguise how I feel about religion. I don't wave it in people's faces and try to spark controversy. It's how I do things and it doesn't affect others. WHY on Earth would people who KNOW my stance on this try to teach my children that their mother is wrong?! Why would they try to lure my kids in with their biblical stories and church songs and brain washing when they KNOW I am against it?! Why wage war on someone who so peacefully sees things in a different light? I just don't get it.

People who don't know me do it. Religion is everywhere. I would have preferred to educate my children on religion when they were a bit older and able to understand that "God" is an abstract concept, not some great being in the sky playing Santa. I have had to advance my training due to forces outside our home. The pledge of allegiance is offensive to our way of thinking. Girl Scouts' pledge is against our ideas. Instead of freaking out and going to the school board or the Girl Scouts' Board, I educate my kids. I talk to them about what's right and what's wrong. They know how to be helpful members in their community and to be kind to others. They are confused about one thing, how come so many people want them to believe in something that they have no interest in? Religious folks......leave them kids alone.

I want my children to think for themselves. If later in life, they decide to learn about religion when they are old enough to understand and not just believe what they are told, that will be their choice! For now, I want them educated scientifically and to grasp the world around them as it really is. I want them to challenge themselves and others and never stop asking questions. So go raise your own kids, spread your message at your church, stand outside with your cardboard signs advertising your idiocy, but stop projecting onto us. We are good without god.

Him Again

Yes.....the boy. After my insane mom freakout on my very own blog, I felt the need to take a moment and give my readers an update. I know, you all feel a little betrayed right now because of my absence. I suck. That's all I can really say. I'm just awful at prioritizing things in my life and sometimes just have to take breaks from things. I think that thirty days of blogging is what did it.

Anyway, the creative juices are flowing again! I'm going to do a re-design soon and another "Best of..." from my kids' daily insanity is in the works. Other things I'm not going to get all share-y about as well. Let's get back to what I'm supposed to be doing here....updating.

The boy. He is a truly unique creature. He is the only person in the WORLD that can make me beam with pride and sigh with exasperation at the EXACT SAME TIME. My last post about him was just so sad for me and scary. I saw him turning this path and it freaked me out. Luckily, I seemed to have found help for him at the right time from the right people. Today, he is now a COMPLETELY different kid from the picture I last painted. Don't get me wrong.....he still has his moments.

He has been taking therapy classes four times a week and going to his Montessori school while I work. If you don't know what a Montessori school is, I suggest you check it out. I went to the same school when I was his age and the type of curriculum is just perfect for him. He started off as the most difficult child in his class and is now at the top. No medication, no psychiatry, no special diet. He is still learning some tricks on managing his feelings, but he can calm himself down now and it makes all the difference.


We are getting ready for his FOURTH birthday and I'm going all mental about it. Four is that age where you can finally reason with them. They start being their own people more and more and pushing away the tastes you impose upon them. Turns out, this little guy is quite shy, empathetic, funny, kind of a germ-o-phobe, and likes adding "butt" to every word imaginable. Pretty typical for four. I'm really proud of how far he has come in just a couple months! Happy birthday to my favorite guy in the universe.

So You Wanna Be a Fascist....

Yeah.....this.

This morning my daughter nervously announced to me her desire to join the fascist community of Girl Scouts. I asked her why she wanted to do so attempting to hide my disdain. She explained to me that from what little they had presented her with at school, it was a club with her friends where she could learn to plant flowers, sew, go camping and have fun. I agreed reluctantly to let her give it a go.

I'm trying to understand....

I want to look at it positively though and I'm trying to shake off my negative outlook on things. I want her to have hobbies and friends she can do them with. I want her to understand the importance of community involvement and volunteer efforts. I teach her these things, we have planted flowers together and volunteered together. I think it's just better coming from multiple sources. I am not the only person to teach her and she definitely listens to other people better.

I do have a problem with an organization that has children pledging allegiances they are too young to understand and concepts that are never explained properly to them. I don't like that they are in uniforms that are not subject to alteration. I hate that they have children peddling cookies for their funding. I suppose I will just have to start sitting back a little and let her experience these things for herself.  I will urge her on while whispering softly, "Pledge your life and honor only to what YOU choose and question everything!"