Antiquated Anger

  I just discovered I have allergies. I never had them before. I grew INTO allergies? Perhaps it is just a natural progression, perhaps a gypsy curse, most likely it is my karma for mocking the allergy laden pansies that seemed to surround me my entire life. Their incessant whining, (although now I realize may have been warranted), always annoyed the hell out of me. So here I am....apparently joining the ranks of the suffering. Getting older just sucks. 

  I never really felt old before, so this is all new revelation stuff. I know I don't look my age, so I have never felt my age before. I refuse to roll over and give up. My brain isn't wired to allow me to act my age. I know I'm not as neat as I was in my twenties,(a night out last weekend certainly illustrated that.). I'm fine with giving up all those freedoms for the life I lead. I know plenty of people my age and younger that seem OLDER than they actually are! I could not quite figure what they were doing different than me. Then ....one day I got it. THEY ARE LAME - I AM AWESOME. I decided in order to prevent a certain decline into some boring old chick, I must strategize. Here is a list of things that I feel may prevent old age and a characterless, commonplace persona from invading. 

I will NEVER: 

wear pants or shorts that hit my ribs

listen to the "soft rock" station

enjoy the colors peach, beige or cream

learn to play cribbage or bridge

learn that the volume knob on the stereo also turns to the left 

disregard fashionable footwear

enjoy watching golf or tennis

stop seeking out new music and going to see live performances

throw out my combat boots

stop voicing my opinions in a snarky and sarcastic manner

let "myself go"

quit expressing myself

   I feel properly armed to proceed in the aging process now. I'm okay with allergies thanks to over the counter meds! And you know what? I'm still going to verbally torture you whiny allergy sufferers. If you think these are bad...we still have wrinkles, thinning hair, liver spots, dementia, and brittle bones to conquer!