|No.....not THAT book.|
It's that time of year when everyone starts getting their year in review in perspective. I thought I would exploit that mentality a little for the sake of my blog. This here is my year in review......with my kids. These are the best of my kid-related facebook updates from the year. And yes....they all happened. Welcome to to my world.....I laugh A LOT.
While dropping off girl child at school, watching her run up the steps outside I sigh and say, "She is so cute and little!" Boy child scowling in the backseat says bitterly, "She's an idiot." Okay then.*sigh*
My kids seem to think it's funny to make choking/gagging sounds when I'm in the next room to make me hobble in fast to check on them. I think it's funny to force them to choose which relative they want to live with.
|Elliott.....a true original.|
So, I'm telling the kids that a team mate is coming over tonight and boy child asks,"But does she have a tail?"
Elliott just shuffled glumly into the kitchen where I was and slumped her head on the counter and said,"I feel like shit today." When did my 5 year old turn 20?!
Yesterday, I had a good friend tell me, "I'm glad you're not the type who bubble wraps her kids, ya know?" To which I replied,"Never! I hand them razorblades and kick them down a flight of stairs!" I have no delusions about my parenting methods.
Boy child threw toy at sister, then fell off couch. Her response? "That's his bad caramel." Um....that's kharma kid, kharma.
Laying next to boy child in bottom bunk, after hearing growling and snorting he says, "I'm scared! It's a monster!!!" Girl child's voice from top bunk,"It's just me. I'm all stuffy." Allergy fail.
Walking into daycare this morning, boy child and I passed a dad walking out. Boy says,"I don't like that guy." I asked why, to which he replied,"I just don't like that guy." Boy child has awesome instincts and rationale.
My son ate powdered doughnuts this morning and was a mess. Ran into a mom friend dropping him at daycare. My friend took one look at his face and said, "You look like Chris Rock in New Jack City Simon." And THAT is why I love her.
Waiting for an x-ray. Girl child and monkeybars don't mix. She told me,"I think I did some danger."
Lesson in biology from Elliott tonight:"If you didn't have a butthole, you would end up pooping out your mouth because your butt is connected to your mouth."
Dressing girl child this morning, I told her,"This belt goes with that dress." She replied, "It doesn't need a belt." I said, "Well.....it's more for decoration." She said, "Like I'm a Christmas tree now?!!" Smart ass.
I would rather have my colon cleansed with fire ants than EVER attend another school skating party with both my kids.
In the car after school, girl child says, "I'm doing my homework. I am a genius." I would give her claims more credibility if I hadn't just gotten a note last week from her teacher complaining of her taking her shoes and socks off and "hitting things with her socks." Dream on child.
Boy child went impressively savage tonight. Refused to let me cut his steak up and ate it whole with hands and teeth. SO proud.