Monday, December 12, 2011

Being Humbled

Not that I think I am some major badass whose shit doesn't stink.....because that is NOT me at all. I do have a pretty normal confidence level, above average intelligence, a decent smile, I am articulate, I have a good sense of humor, and I have always prided myself on being self-reliant and very capable. Those last two being taken away from me, I have had to rely largely on the rest of my talents. Life on a walker is turning into a frustrating existence. The following is a list of humbling events. Someday, I will look back on all this and laugh. Right now, I am just grinding my teeth into a smile and suffering this shit in silence.
  1. The sympathy gaze. Stop it. I'm a short-term cripple. I'm not on fucking life support.
  2. Heavy doors. They hurt. They collapse on me too quick. I get stuck in them. Boo.
  3. Rubber mats in my office doorways. QUIT TRIPPING ME UP! They stick to walkers: this is very dangerous and unflattering for me!!!!
  4. Shopping in a store scooter. Reaching things is hard, people stare, it makes loud beeps when you back up, and my shopping partner being an asshole does NOT help.
  5. Entering a daycare on a walker. Nothing like children en masse staring at me to make me feel extra out of place. Thanks to the little mexican boy who made things super awkward by letting me know he had his entire church pray for me. It's JUST A BROKEN ANKLE. Jeebus.
  6. Heels. Cute, sexy, fun, going-out-on-a-Friday-night heels. Fuck you guys. Quit looking at me. I'm not wearing you anytime soon, much less going out on a Friday night.
  7. Joggers. If I see you flaunting your usefullness of both legs on the side of the road while driving, your life is in danger. That was your warning.
  8. Quit using a higher pitched voice when you talk to me. I am not five years old. This goes hand in hand with the sympathy smile, head tilt, and repetitive questions with emphasis on verbs. "How ARE you today?" I was fine until I was confronted with your condescending looks and speech. Go feed some orphans.
  9. Stairs. Fuck em......just.......fuck em.
  10. The Holidays. Their very existence at this time is infuriating. Shopping is hard, people are on "spread cheer" mode, extra sympathy smiles, doors being held open, helping me with shit even though I am a complete stranger. It sucks. Makes me feel like a needy person. I DESPISE being needy.
Just excuse me if I'm not all smiles and cheer this season. Every day I get knocked down a few pegs on the confidence meter by normal stuff you do with two legs. I am ready to be healed and will NOT take shit for granted. Lesson learned. Til then, I will sit in the corner getting drunk on schnapps (or whatever somebody fetches for me) singing Eric Carmen hits into my karaoke party machine while making sarcastic jabs at anyone who passes. K? K.


  1. Did it occur to you that they may be holding the door for you because you're hot? :)

    Hi, by the way. I'm a big fan. :)

  2. That had not occurred to me at all. And now I am blushing. Shame on you! (and thanks for being a fan!)

  3. I have to agree, I would hold the door for you:)