Wednesday, June 1, 2011

HATE This Guy!!!!!

I haven't been blogging for a bit...sorry! I'm a busy girl with little time to contemplate my next angry rant. I wasn't even thinking about this was given to me. A friend brought up this name and I saw red. The floodgates opened and before I knew it I was spewing angrily for a good twenty minutes on this ass-hat. M Night Shyamalan. Stupid name....worse creations. I never thought it would spiral out of control like it did. It all started with The Sixth Sense....which wasn't entirely awful. A little predictable perhaps....but it was a noble first attempt at horror. When I saw Unbreakable, I became a little enraged. There was about 10 minutes of action in that entire movie, the characters were boring, flat and expressionless, the plot was retarded, and it was ENTIRELY OBVIOUS!!!! I should have sworn off his movies here, but his track record at that point was only 50/50.
     THEN came Signs. There are no words for how badly this movie enrages me. This was one of the few movies I ACTUALLY walked out of. I could not torture myself any was THAT painful. How many levels of ridiculous crap can one endure? Aliens coming to Earth and running around in corn fields and jumping around on roof tops? Lame. How about aliens that can travel through space, yet CANNOT open a pantry door? How about underlying religious propaganda inserted into what was advertised as a HORROR MOVIE?!!! Or the aliens that choose to invade a planet that consists of over 80% water when they are deathly allergic to what?!! WATER. Dumbest. Movie. Ever. What was worse was everyone going around talking about it and how great it was. DID THOSE PEOPLE EVEN WATCH IT?!!! I walked out during the really "touching" scene where Mel Gibson and Hairlip Phoenix are about two inches from each other's faces and Hairlip says, "I don't ever want to see you lose your faith again!" I laughed uncontrollable for ten seconds, yelled "Assholes!" at the screen and walked out. I boycotted M Night Shyamalan after that. Even the penis hats couldn't save that movie.
     Several years later, I was intrigued by these previews for "The Happening". It looked super scary and awesome. I saw who was directing it and was deterred from seeing it in the theater. I did rent it when it came out on video. (I wasn't going to spend GOOD money on it and get a sitter and waste gas and all.) It started out pretty cool with people hanging themselves and jabbing shit in their eyes and jumping off buildings and stuff. Then he ruined it. He tried to make some environmental statement and ruined a potentially cool movie. Grass. Grass was making people crazy and kill themselves and not in a fun "Reefer Madness" way. It was my fault for falling for the propaganda in the commercial. Curse you M Night. If I ever see you anywhere....EVER, I will punch you in your smug, brown, wanna-be Jeff Goldblum face. Ban on.

1 comment:

  1. "Even the penis hats couldn't save the movie."

    Edith, you have outdone yourself!