Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Antiquated Anger

  I just discovered I have allergies. I never had them before. I grew INTO allergies? Perhaps it is just a natural progression, perhaps a gypsy curse, most likely it is my karma for mocking the allergy laden pansies that seemed to surround me my entire life. Their incessant whining, (although now I realize may have been warranted), always annoyed the hell out of me. So here I am....apparently joining the ranks of the suffering. Getting older just sucks. 
  I never really felt old before, so this is all new revelation stuff. I know I don't look my age, so I have never felt my age before. I refuse to roll over and give up. My brain isn't wired to allow me to act my age. I know I'm not as neat as I was in my twenties,(a night out last weekend certainly illustrated that.). I'm fine with giving up all those freedoms for the life I lead. I know plenty of people my age and younger that seem OLDER than they actually are! I could not quite figure what they were doing different than me. Then day I got it. THEY ARE LAME - I AM AWESOME. I decided in order to prevent a certain decline into some boring old chick, I must strategize. Here is a list of things that I feel may prevent old age and a characterless, commonplace persona from invading. 
I will NEVER: 
wear pants or shorts that hit my ribs
listen to the "soft rock" station
enjoy the colors peach, beige or cream
learn to play cribbage or bridge
learn that the volume knob on the stereo also turns to the left 
disregard fashionable footwear
enjoy watching golf or tennis
stop seeking out new music and going to see live performances
throw out my combat boots
stop voicing my opinions in a snarky and sarcastic manner
let "myself go"
quit expressing myself
   I feel properly armed to proceed in the aging process now. I'm okay with allergies thanks to over the counter meds! And you know what? I'm still going to verbally torture you whiny allergy sufferers. If you think these are bad...we still have wrinkles, thinning hair, liver spots, dementia, and brittle bones to conquer!


  1. THEY ARE LAME-I AM AWESOME! Need to make that my new mantra! ;) Maybe I'll make an "I will never..." list. You're such an inspiration. WWED?

  2. Ok, so don't think I'm lame but I broke one of your rules. So I bought a pair of shoes from Naturalizers. BUT, hear me out! They are a hot pair of red peep toes with killer heels AND they're comfortable. So I am a sell out. Sort of.
    Keep ranting biatch! ♥

  3. The only rule you broke in my eyes was not picking me up a pair!!! Red heels = HOT!!!