Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Day #12 - Inflatable Penis

I realize I am getting this in just on the wire for this to count as day 12, but I honestly wasn't quite sure what I was going to rant about until just a few minutes ago when the combination of my summer shandy and the painkillers I am on began to coalesce into this moment of genius. A story from my younger days of folly. This particular one is rarely one I have told, but always gives me a chuckle upon reminiscence.

So I studied for a good portion of time during my college years in Germany. It was in fact my major. My professor over there was a stodgy, old and critical man who had started his career, not as a college professor, but in the CIA stationed in Cold War Berlin. He was a fantastic specimen to frustrate. He was assigned to teach my class in his last year as a professor, on the brink of retirement. My comrade and I felt the need to make his last year his most memorable.

We, my entire class and the professor, were scheduled to spend our Spring Break in Spain. Malgrat De Mar. Our professor had told our class that we were not to speak to him, sit with him, or look at him during this vacation. He was staying in the same hotel, yet wanted no part of our company. This rift was further emphasized when he decided to book us all on a day long bus ride to our destination, while he booked himself on an airline. My class buddy and I, a fellow I had many great adventures with by the name of Brent, decided this was our chance to really cut loose. No professor monitoring us, no guest parents, just us left to our own corruption.

We toyed with the professor for a couple days. Pretending to follow him around and always yelling hello when we saw him. His response was usually to immediately turn and go the opposite direction. The weather got hotter, Brent and I got more drunk! We decided to step up our game. It was time to pull out a certain gem we had bought at an Erotic Museum while travelling through Munich.

The next time our professor saw us, was when he walked out onto the pool deck. He stopped short and stared in disbelief. My friend Brent and I were waving and calling to him from the pool holding pina coladas in one hand and riding a six foot inflatable penis. He actually dropped his glass and hid his face before going back in the direction he came in. It was one of those perfect moments in one's life where all the planets seemed to align just right. I'll always think of this moment when I'm blue.


  1. Omigawd!! That is beyond hysterical!! It's a shame he didn't want to be seen with you guys. Sounds like you were having a BLAST!!